Where does the world go now?

After having graduated from high school, moved out of the house, and started my new job within just one week, I find myself with just one thought replaying in my head:

Where do I go now?

This whole year there was something inside of me that thought that once high school was over and I was living somewhere different my life would suddenly become something glamorous, crazy, meaningful. I thought I would know exactly who I am, where I was going, and what I needed to do.

But my life really hasn't changed all that much. I still spend my weekend nights reading books or watching movies with my family. I still struggle with the self esteem issues, although I know they are stupid. I still feel like there has to be something more. I feel like I know less about who I am, where I'm going, and what I need to do.

Don't get me wrong: I'm so grateful for my life and the people in it. I love it and I love them. But I never understood the quote, "The more things seem to change, the more they stay the same," until now.

It's hard to explain it. I don't really know if my confusion is normal, or if I'm the only one who feels so unsure.

Call me melodramatic, but I just don't know what life wants me to do anymore. I just want something to happen. I want to meet new people. I want to spend time with unexpected people that I already know. I want to feel young and wild and free.

But I know I'll be okay and I know this will pass. ....Just keep swimmin', just keep swimmin', just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. :)

Colors and Jumping Salmon

How do I avoid unpacking from being gone for 10 days? By listening to Black Betty and playing angry birds of course!! I hate those green pigs. I want someone to write a Black Betty song about me. It will be called Red Ronnie and talk about how I look when I am sun burnt, embarrassed, or under infra red lighting.
I graduate in 6 days. Fiddlesticks! I'm not ready. I am a little bummed about certain people (or a certain single person in particular) who won't be there but that's life isn't it? I always just pictured him there when I pictured graduation and now I'm pretty sure I won't even see him ever again. But that's good...movin on to the next chapter of my life as just me, no extra people along for the ride. New people, new memories, new things to worry about.
Enough of this seriousness though!! Now I'd like to share with everyone that this summer there are a couple things I must do. They include (besides the obvious like work, being an auntie, and living with sissy): get the colored crayons bubbles and blow them, tie dye some clothing items of choice, revisit my many attempts at a handspring...I WILL do it!...,buy some lawn gnomes and flamingoes and put them in various people's yards, be a mall walker, do yoga in Brooke and Jeremy's front lawn at dawn, and recite some poetry or sing a song I wrote at a coffee shop open mic night.
ThAts gonna be lovelier than someone who has sparkly skin! Oh also Iight start a hula hooping club? Who wants to join? :)
Oh boy...I really must unpack my world and pull myself out of the quicksand pulling me down down down.
Bye :) <3

Greener Grass

And now, ladies and gentlemen...here comes the whirlwind finish for the rest of my high school life.
Tomorrow through Saturday: State Music Festival in Missoula :)
Sunday early morning through the next Saturday: International Science and Engineering Fair in Los Angeles!!
Next Sunday: Senior church service, go through entire room to prepare for packing.
Monday-Friday: Last week of school, the last volunteer projects of various clubs, finals, checking out, graduation decorating and preparation.
Friday: Awards night.
Saturday: GRADUATION! and Lock-in :)
Sunday: Recover from Saturday, start packing.
Monday: Finish packing.
Tuesday: Move
Wednesday: Start at my new job :)
I can't believe it. It's all happening so fast, I feel like I am barely keeping up. I feel like Scooby Doo and Shaggy...when they run from the monsters and move their little legs so fast and then realize they are running in place, getting nowhere. Well for me the monster is time...but it chases no matter what. So you do the best you can and enjoy every moment of your life because when you look back, it's short.
Anyways, I just thought I would give everyone a boring update on my life.
I'll be sending glimmering sunny vibes to everyone starting Sunday!
Peace and Love <3

Seven

As I sit here sucking on this delightful grape jolly rancher sucker, I am trying to psychoanalyze myself and discover the hidden meaning behind my shameless procrastination.
So far, I haven't uncovered any meanings playing hide and go seek, however, I think I have a theory:
I truly do care about my grades and getting things done on time and all that jazz. However, I think I care about it so much, that something inside me knows that I will get it done, even if I have to pull an all nighter, pull it together in a short amount of time, or wake up at 4 in the morning to finish it. I know that I won't let myself not get things done...I am so confident that I will get them done that I think it is okay to just not do them while I can.
Too bad that is a terrible philosophy to have.
I need to change my ways of thinking...right here, right now, right on this blog post.
Here is my new philosophy:
Dear Me,
Unless you complete your to-do list RIGHT NOW, it will never get done. Your life will turn into an unsolved puzzle, a pig's pen, a cracked egg on the sidewalk. DO IT NOW.
Love,
Me
Too bad that is a terrible lie.