The Bridge Turned to Ash

So I know I've advertised this as a happy uplifting entertaining blog...but tonight is a post for deep thoughts.
My whole life I've been afraid to let go of things, people, and relationships. I hate saying goodbye, I hate being angry, I hate making decisions, and I hate it when people are mad at me. These reasons are why it has taken me so many long and testing trials to let go of the thing I needed out of my life most.
It's scary. When someone has been your best friend for your whole adoloescent life, when someone knows you better than anyone in the world, and when you have shared some of your deepest secrets and thoughts, greatest memories, and happiest moments with that someone, it's scary to let them go.
I know I'm kind of like the boy (or girl) who cried wolf (or "I'm finally letting go"), but this time it's real. Althouh I may have let go and walked away in the past, I have always left a bridge to be crossed in case minds were changed. But this time I set fire to the bridge. My eyes welled up, as I watched it burn, but then I felt a new strength in myself as I watched the flames turn to embers, the embers to ash, and the bridge collapse.
There's no way to get back to that place anymore. Even if I want to, I can't. The bridge has crumbled. There's nothing there. Now it's just me. With a toxic river with no crossing behind me. And sunshine, green grass, and a hope for new, better happiness and greater memories in my path.
So here I am. Just me. No bridges, no tears.
Just me :)

Observation of the Day

Artificial grape flavoring does not taste like real grapes.

Blow Out the Candles

In case none of you knew, it is in fact my birthday today :)
As I look back on even just the past few birthdays I've had, it's really not hard to see how I have changed over the years. I can see it in myself...I am growing up. And I really think I'm starting to find out who I am, and like who I am. Which is a big thing since I haven't graduated yet, I think.
So 18 is kind of a scary number. I've always downplayed my age because most of the people in my family are at least 6 years older than me...so I've never really felt it was a huge deal to turn a year older.
But 18...I'm allowing myself to feel like this really is a big number. Of course, I can vote now, can be arrested, and am "legal", but it's more than that to me. It's saying goodbye to the world I've known so well for 18 years now, depending less on my parents, relying more on myself. It's growing up. And that's kind of scary. But so exciting!
Just yesterday my brother and his wife had a baby girl! What an amazing birthday gift for me! I'm so happy for Roman and Jen, and I'm so excited about my beautiful new niece who I love so so much!
Also, on Friday...I found out that my sister's baby who is due in July is a girl! Haylie Marie James, I love you already and can't wait to spend so much time with you!
So anyways, thank you to all of the gorgeous people in my life for the birthday wishes and thoughts.
Here's to new life, and new beginnings! :)
Muah!

Once Upon a Time I Was a Piece of Tin Foil

In 1.5 hours I will be off to a faraway land named Salt Lake City!
I am excited about this because:

1. I am going with some of the most fun people ever!

2. We will have a wee bit of free time to swim and such :)

3. We are going to the GATEWAY MALL! Yeah yeah!

4. I am sick of below zero weather.

5. Sunburst is a slug these days.

So...yes, this will be a sparkle of a time.

I have a black flower in my hair today....which is kind of an oxymoronish...black....flower....?

     Anyways, Pokey Scratch has not left the building yet...and he has brought along a friend who is a miniature horse named Congested Run, who is practicing his leaps and racing in my nasal/sinus cavities.

    

An interesting thing happened to me last night. And I am proud of myself with the way I handled it. Life tests you sometimes, and I think it's important to stand your ground even when you don't really want to.

One more thing. I have had a St. Patrick's day rap that I made up with my friends in sixth grade stuck in my head all morning.

Yo yo yo, we're the fab four

And we've come a knockin on your door

To tell you today it's St. Patrick's Day

Hey, hey, hey, hey

We're painting the town green, like a saint

Doing good deeds for everyone till they faint

We're sitting on the blarney stone eating colcannon

Yum colcannon, yum, yum, colcannon

"Something something something I don't remember what comes next which has been bothering me"

Who let the leprechaun out?

Who, who, who, who?

One, two, three, four CLOVERS

We're lucky...and we're gonna get a little bit funky

Boom, boom boom. Boom boom boom boom BOOM

At the end of the rainbow, there's always gold, and now we're putting you on hold.

Now we're back, do ya like it like that?

Cuz we're rappin like St. Pat.

Here is a cookie

A treat for you

And now we know you'll say thank you.

The end.

Have a sparkleicious week :)

<3