Everyone should be happy today! :)

This blogger blog is 2 days overdue! And I'm warning you right now, this is cheesy and crazy. But those who don't mind me barely managing to make a point in the most corny way possible...read on! :)

On my way to Bozeman to visit my beautiful new niece on Monday, I had one of the most important "big philosophical moments" I think I've ever had.
...It began by my thoughts drowning out the KIIS xm radio I had on. Four months ago and the day before I turned 18, my gorgeous niece Skylar was born, and exactly four months later beautiful little Haylie came! I was obsessing over how amazing they are and how amazing it is that they have their whole lives before them, literally anything great can happen to them! They haven't hurt a soul, they haven't been angry, they haven't had to make any decisions they may or may not regret. I would do anything for these two little angels, I love them so much and they are so amazing!
...Thinking about the lives Skylar and Haylie have before them caused my thoughts to evolve to the life that I have lived so far. Until that moment, I hadn't really thought about how each event in my life has led to another and shaped me into the person I am today. It's crazy. Even the great memories that have been tainted by bitter feelings in the past have became something to smile about. People that I have encountered whether it be for hours, months, or years have made me a better person whether they realize it or not. Things I have done and decisions I have made...whatever feelings they caused, good or bad, have led me to be right here. And although things are not perfect, nor will they ever be, there is no place I would rather be.
...These thoughts about my past, and how even though it might have been not so pleasant at the time, it has caused me to be the happy girl I am today, then led me to a divine intervention...or something like that. (Those of you who are not religious, I am warning you I'm about to go there.) I turned off the radio and talked to God longer than I ever have in my life. As I talked to him I admired the beauty of the scary, winding interstate to Helena. I suddenly just felt good. Like no matter what happens to me in this life, I'm gonna be okay because of the people around me, the things I have learned, and because right then and there I felt God working in my life in an overwhelming way.
Anyways, I'm not trying to preach to anyone, or B.S. with this blog. I just wanted to share this happy feeling I have with anyone who wants it! Whether you are religious or not, life is good, but short. The days pass by just the same whether we enjoy them or not.
To my sister Brianna and brother-in-law Keelan, congrats on beautiful Haylie. She is so adorable and I love her so much! :)
To everyone else, have a sparkly, happy, lovely day!
<3

The Anatomy of a Wish (or Most of Them, Anyways)

It all starts with a witnessing of a single event. Or maybe a couple similar events.

For that girl wishing for a boyfriend it was watching an adorable couple hold hands in the mall.
For that boy wishing for bigger muscles it was watching all the girls swoon over the quarterback.
For that student wishing for a college degree it was seeing a successful man or woman talking on his or her cell phone wearing designer shoes and fancy glasses.
Or maybe it was none of those at all. Like I said, these are MOST wishes we are speaking of.
To make this a little more personal, let me use myself circa 2007. It was the summer before high school and I was at a choir camp with my best friend. We were two of the youngest people there, but the older ones were so nice and welcoming to us, we only felt out of place for the first day.
So that wish of mine before high school, to be the girl that everyone wanted to be around, started with watching a beautiful girl with brown eyes, curly blonde hair, and a guitar interact with everyone at the camp. I soon realized that everyone remembered everything about her from previous years at the camp, and those who didn't know her felt like her best friend after the next few days. She led sing a longs around the camp fire with her guitar decorated with colorful swirls, flowers, and designs she had painted on herself. All of the boys did everything they could to get around her and all of the girls came to her with questions and to feel like they mattered to someone.
This girl inspired me. I wished to be the girl everyone wanted to be around.

Then the wish becomes a possibility, and you focus on it and take actions toward it.

For the girl wishing for a boyfriend, it's being brave enough to go up and talk to boys she is interested in.
For the boy wishing for bigger muscles, it's putting on those gym shorts and walking into that weight room.
For the student wishing for a college degree, it's applying to every possible school and for every possible scholarship.
For me, it was squashing my fears of being rejected and walking up to strangers and talking to them. Of course, at first the strangers started out as males only, since girls intimidated me back then (and still sometimes do). But slowly but surely I became more comfortable with starting conversations with anyone I chose to.
I began this step at the tri-county fair in a town nearby. I was with two of my friends, discussing my "wish", when we decided to try to be bold that night. We were only fourteen, so bold was maybe asking a guy to buy us a snow cone, or to sit by us at the demolition derby. But we did it. I remember having a blast surrounded by people that I never thought I would be "cool" enough to even talk to. That night I wrote in my journal about how nice everyone was to me, and even mentioned a cute boy who was going to be a senior at my school who I had talked with. (Needless to say, that boy eventually became a boyfriend...) I had taken actions toward my wish.

After the wish becomes a possibility, it becomes a reality, whether it be for a day, a month, or five years.

So that girl wishing for a boyfriend? She's got him.
That boy wishing for bigger muscles? Now quarterback of the football team.
And that student wishing for a college degree? In college, on his or her way toward a PhD.
For me, once Freshman year started, my wish may have started to become a reality, or maybe it was just me coming out of my shell, making new friends. Whatever it was, I was happy and having a great time. I was invitied to parties by one of the nicest senior girls who became a good friend. I was trying to decide between TWO cute boys, and I felt like I had it all together. I stopped thinking less about that girl at choir camp and more about what I was going to do tomorrow, which friend I had to get a birthday present for, and "that boy."

Once the wish is a reality is where the real test is. It either sticks, or it doesn't. You either regret ever wanting it in the first place, or you're proud of the steps you've taken to get to where you're at.

So the girl with the boyfriend, the quarterback with big muscles, the college graduate? Not sure what happened to them.
But what happened to me?
Well I'm still trying to figure that out. I don't know if my wish ever came true. And if it did, I'm not sure if it stuck. But do I regret the wish?
Yeah, sometimes. Sometimes I want everyone to like me, and when someone doesn't, I feel crushed. I want to be everyone's friend but not everyone wants to be my friend. I look back on everything that happened my that first year of high school and I realize that it was a big part of shaping who I am today. Even though I sometimes may feel like that scared little girl without her momma at choir camp, I've gotten better at hiding that. My skin is thicker, my mind is smarter, and my heart is stronger.

Wishes. We all have them, and we all journey through their anatomy.

 But I don't think I believe that you should be careful what you wish for. That's nonsense. Because every wish that you care enough to do something about leads you through a series of twists and turns, ups and downs, backs and forths. There is something to be learned from every wish, whether it sticks or not, you wish you hadn't wished it, or you don't. You learned.

Had to be there? And everything else that crossed my mind

Finally in my bed that I've slept in for the past eleven or so years! It feels good to be home for a short while, and I feel like it has helped me reflect a little.
So here is what the deal is: I think I always subconsciously want the thing that is the worst for me. I don't know why and I don't know how to fix it, but at least I am aware of it...right?
Last night I had the most perfect dream. I had what I have been wanting most, and it was better than I could have ever asked for! I don't get why my subconscious brain would do that! It had to have known that I would wake up feeling at a loss and maybe slightly hopeless I'm that particular situation.
Needless to say....I slept great in my very own bed! Just not too pleased with the waking up part.
Okay now: enough of serious blog posts! I have a story for you that happened a couple weeks ago!
Just bear with me on this...I promise there is a moral...:)
As many of you may know, I do not have perfect vision so every once in a while I will wear my glasses in place of my contacts (which I rarely take out...bad, I know). Although I love my brown glasses, I am working at target this summer and really wanted the option of wearing glasses to work...I had a black or maybe even red pair in mind.
I got my prescription and then got online with my mom, and we ordered two pair! Black and red and they were both cuter than anything!
I waited about two weeks for those glasses and was so excited to get them when they finally arrived at Brooke and Jeremy's house!
So I opened the packages and took out my contacts and slowly put the first pair (the black ones)on. I stepped a little further away from the mirror to get a good look at myself and realized two important things about them....my eyes were the size of a blue whale(imagine the fortune teller professor in the third Harry Potter), and I could not see anything past my hand.
Needless to say, the other pair had the same effet.
Moral of the story: when you order glasses online make sure to put a negative in front of your prescription....or you might receive binoculars, magnifying glasses, and your eyes will look scary and huge.
The end :)

Still Searching...

After almost a month of living away from home...two weeks of work...and college orientation... I find myself still searching for the same answers I was looking for last month.
I love being with my sister and her husband. I love being around them and they always have something fun going on. But I just don't have my OWN thing ya know?
Where wiill I find it? When will I find it?
Will it be a person? Will it be a hobby?
I feel like if I don't find something soon I am going to go crazy.
Now don't get me wrong. I have a few potential things. But I don't know what to expect from anything and I don't know the direction anything is headed.
So sorry for the lack of posts (and happy energetic entertaining ones at that). I promise things will pick up soon.
They will.
Soon.
Hope everyone is having a happy, beautiful, watermeloney summer!
<3 :)

Where does the world go now?

After having graduated from high school, moved out of the house, and started my new job within just one week, I find myself with just one thought replaying in my head:

Where do I go now?

This whole year there was something inside of me that thought that once high school was over and I was living somewhere different my life would suddenly become something glamorous, crazy, meaningful. I thought I would know exactly who I am, where I was going, and what I needed to do.

But my life really hasn't changed all that much. I still spend my weekend nights reading books or watching movies with my family. I still struggle with the self esteem issues, although I know they are stupid. I still feel like there has to be something more. I feel like I know less about who I am, where I'm going, and what I need to do.

Don't get me wrong: I'm so grateful for my life and the people in it. I love it and I love them. But I never understood the quote, "The more things seem to change, the more they stay the same," until now.

It's hard to explain it. I don't really know if my confusion is normal, or if I'm the only one who feels so unsure.

Call me melodramatic, but I just don't know what life wants me to do anymore. I just want something to happen. I want to meet new people. I want to spend time with unexpected people that I already know. I want to feel young and wild and free.

But I know I'll be okay and I know this will pass. ....Just keep swimmin', just keep swimmin', just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. :)

Colors and Jumping Salmon

How do I avoid unpacking from being gone for 10 days? By listening to Black Betty and playing angry birds of course!! I hate those green pigs. I want someone to write a Black Betty song about me. It will be called Red Ronnie and talk about how I look when I am sun burnt, embarrassed, or under infra red lighting.
I graduate in 6 days. Fiddlesticks! I'm not ready. I am a little bummed about certain people (or a certain single person in particular) who won't be there but that's life isn't it? I always just pictured him there when I pictured graduation and now I'm pretty sure I won't even see him ever again. But that's good...movin on to the next chapter of my life as just me, no extra people along for the ride. New people, new memories, new things to worry about.
Enough of this seriousness though!! Now I'd like to share with everyone that this summer there are a couple things I must do. They include (besides the obvious like work, being an auntie, and living with sissy): get the colored crayons bubbles and blow them, tie dye some clothing items of choice, revisit my many attempts at a handspring...I WILL do it!...,buy some lawn gnomes and flamingoes and put them in various people's yards, be a mall walker, do yoga in Brooke and Jeremy's front lawn at dawn, and recite some poetry or sing a song I wrote at a coffee shop open mic night.
ThAts gonna be lovelier than someone who has sparkly skin! Oh also Iight start a hula hooping club? Who wants to join? :)
Oh boy...I really must unpack my world and pull myself out of the quicksand pulling me down down down.
Bye :) <3

Greener Grass

And now, ladies and gentlemen...here comes the whirlwind finish for the rest of my high school life.
Tomorrow through Saturday: State Music Festival in Missoula :)
Sunday early morning through the next Saturday: International Science and Engineering Fair in Los Angeles!!
Next Sunday: Senior church service, go through entire room to prepare for packing.
Monday-Friday: Last week of school, the last volunteer projects of various clubs, finals, checking out, graduation decorating and preparation.
Friday: Awards night.
Saturday: GRADUATION! and Lock-in :)
Sunday: Recover from Saturday, start packing.
Monday: Finish packing.
Tuesday: Move
Wednesday: Start at my new job :)
I can't believe it. It's all happening so fast, I feel like I am barely keeping up. I feel like Scooby Doo and Shaggy...when they run from the monsters and move their little legs so fast and then realize they are running in place, getting nowhere. Well for me the monster is time...but it chases no matter what. So you do the best you can and enjoy every moment of your life because when you look back, it's short.
Anyways, I just thought I would give everyone a boring update on my life.
I'll be sending glimmering sunny vibes to everyone starting Sunday!
Peace and Love <3