Having been around much older siblings and cousins my whole life, I've always been in kind of a hurry to grow up. I started kissing boys at 3, asking boys on "dates" at 8, wearing makeup at 11, falling in love at 14. And now I'm on track to graduate college and step out into an actual career at 21.
I've always been so eager to grow up so I can be on the same page as my sisters and cousins that I've never really appreciated the stage I'm at. But now as I look at all I have to accomplish before the last week of April and my schedules for classes this summer and fall semesters, I'm sort of regretting this growing up early thing. I guess it's something we can't really avoid, though, so it doesn't really matter...but I just don't know if I'm ready to be an adult.
I still wait to write a 5 page paper until 6 hours before it's due.
I still watch hours of TV shows on Netflix.
I still skip when I'm happy.
I still eat too much candy.
I still press snooze a million times before I actually get up in the morning.
I still cry when I am confused or frustrated.
I still haven't cooked anything besides macaroni and cheese for dinner.
I still talk too loud and laugh by myself about things my brain tells me.
I still sing and dance like a child when I'm by myself.
I still talk to myself when I'm driving.
I still think that everyone is good, all the time.
I still get happy when I see rainbows or pink or sparkles.
I still have a unicorn pillow pet on my bed.
I'm planets away from being a grown-up. But it's coming faster and faster every day and I guess I'll just have to find a way to stop being such a child or find a way to hide it better! I'm thinking the latter seems more realistic!
But never mind all of my babbling! I have a paper to write that's due in....9.5 hours, instead of 6. Hey! Maybe I am growing up after all :)
"Growing up won't bring us down!" -The Maine
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Monday, February 4, 2013
Second Storm
Just as there can be many sources of happiness, I also believe there can be many sources of strength. Over the past (almost) 20 years I have earned a great deal of strength...by God, the people put in my life, the things I've been through, and the things I've had to let go of.
But I'd like to take this time to reflect on how the things we let go of give us strength. At this same point in time two years ago, I was finally letting go of something I had been trying to let go of for a long time. I said, "This time, I mean it." And I did. But it took a while to convince others, and even myself. Because for 3 years I had been the girl who cried wolf. I wrote a blog about burning bridges and never looking back, and I can proudly say that I really never did look back at that toxic river. I moved on to greener pastures and I picked wildflowers in sunny meadows. It's easy to be strong when the wind is at your back.
But then something happened that I never thought about. I came across yet another obstacle I would have numerous battles letting go of. This obstacle wasn't a toxic river, but a deadly storm. This wasn't a storm that came across me by chance, though. This was a storm that I saw a mile away and still walked right into the eye of.
I'm not sure why I willingly got myself into this mess. This storm tore me up, pounded me against the ground, and threw me up in the air. It's been a little over a year and a half since it began, and though I know I risk sounding like the girl who cried wolf again, I think I'm ready to burn this bridge as well. And I'm coming out of the storm with more strength than I've ever had.
Though life will never be perfect, sunshine-y meadows like I once thought, I know that I can find flowers through snow and that I can see sunshine through clouds and that whatever happens, I will always come out tougher than before.
"I am not what I have done, I am what I have overcome."
But I'd like to take this time to reflect on how the things we let go of give us strength. At this same point in time two years ago, I was finally letting go of something I had been trying to let go of for a long time. I said, "This time, I mean it." And I did. But it took a while to convince others, and even myself. Because for 3 years I had been the girl who cried wolf. I wrote a blog about burning bridges and never looking back, and I can proudly say that I really never did look back at that toxic river. I moved on to greener pastures and I picked wildflowers in sunny meadows. It's easy to be strong when the wind is at your back.
But then something happened that I never thought about. I came across yet another obstacle I would have numerous battles letting go of. This obstacle wasn't a toxic river, but a deadly storm. This wasn't a storm that came across me by chance, though. This was a storm that I saw a mile away and still walked right into the eye of.
I'm not sure why I willingly got myself into this mess. This storm tore me up, pounded me against the ground, and threw me up in the air. It's been a little over a year and a half since it began, and though I know I risk sounding like the girl who cried wolf again, I think I'm ready to burn this bridge as well. And I'm coming out of the storm with more strength than I've ever had.
Though life will never be perfect, sunshine-y meadows like I once thought, I know that I can find flowers through snow and that I can see sunshine through clouds and that whatever happens, I will always come out tougher than before.
"I am not what I have done, I am what I have overcome."
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Tribute to the Best: Sister Edition
"My sisters remind me, by their very steadfastness, that truth, beauty, and goodness exist in the world, and that no matter what there are and always will be people loving people through thick and thin."
Oftentimes I get caught up in my life's stresses and problems and distractions and forget how completely and truly lucky I am to have two amazing sisters. They are my moral compass, spiritual mentors, and best friends.
Oftentimes I get caught up in my life's stresses and problems and distractions and forget how completely and truly lucky I am to have two amazing sisters. They are my moral compass, spiritual mentors, and best friends.
Being 7 and 6 years older than me, it definitely took us a while to get to this point. Imagine seven year old Ronnie trying to keep up with two teenage sisters! Impossible. And those poor sisters trying to escape this little girl following them around 24/7. But as I continue to grow older our age gap seems to shrink more and more. However, I admire them for being able to be my older sisters. At any given point in my life I can call either one of them and complain about what's going on and not only do the know exactly what I'm going through, but they also can tell me that it all works out, and I know it's true by looking at the beautiful woman they have become. I don't know how they put up with me, as I'm always either singing, laughing, dancing around, complaining, crying, or talking non stop. I couldn't handle me as a little sister.
Brooke is my rock. We talk pretty much constantly throughout every day and I really don't know what I would do without her. She let me live with her and her (amazing) husband for two summers. Most people don't realize what that entails. Brooke and Jeremy letting me live with them also meant them letting me eat most of their food, worry them with my crazy behavior, annoy them with my randomness, and bombard their marriage. They are saints. Those two summers were the best summers of my life, and I will be forever indebted to those two amazing people for that. Brooke and I often get asked if we are twins...actually, every time we are out in public together, it happens at least once. But I think we are also kind of twins on the inside, too. We are always laughing about things no one else understands. We feel the same about people and things and life. We like the same things, and she understands everything about me. She supports me through every decision I make, even if she doesn't completely agree with me, and I'm so thankful for that! I love spending time with her in her classroom and watching how much of an amazing teacher she is. I aspire to be that kind of teacher. She is also one of the kindest, funniest, most amazing women I know, and I also aspire to grow into that kind of woman. I'm so fortunate that God gave me an automatic best friend in her!
Brianna is my home away from home. When I need to feel safe and loved I can turn to her. She inspires me to go against the grain and do what I want, not what others want. She also happens to come along with a cute little button of a niece (and another on the way) that I love more than words! Brianna is one of the smartest people I know. She's a real life Google. I can ask her basically any question in the world and she can give me a correct, detailed answer. She's also the person I like to turn to when I'm not sure where to go in my faith. Brianna gets me when no one else does. She has the kindest heart of anyone I know, but her strength is awe-inspiring. She really is one of the strongest people out there...physically and emotionally! She has been through so much and knows exactly what to say when I need someone. She's such an amazing mom, and I'm so glad I can look to her as a role model as I continue through my life and experience scarier, and scarier things. I will be forever grateful for all she has done for me and for having her as someone to model my life after and as someone who is also one of my best friends.
I love my sisters, and I don't know how I could get through life without them! Thank you, God, for blessing me with two of the most beautiful women (inside and out) in the world as my sisters!
XO <3
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
12/12/12
12 Fun Things About Myself
1. I have grown two inches in the past two years.
2. I laugh to myself a lot.
3. I usually leave some sort of sparkle residue wherever I go.
4. I have a drawer full of nail polish.
5. I write songs.
6. I have the weirdest phobias that make me cry.
7. I hate doing laundry.
8. I like to dance.
9. I usually am singing.
10. I don't like to work out.
11. I love Taylor Swift.
12. I like candles.
12 Things I Am Thankful For
1. God.
2. Mom and Dad.
3. Lovely siblings.
4. Nieces and nephews.
5. The best friends anyone could ever ask for.
6. Candy.
7. The opportunity to further my education.
8. My job.
9. Having a great place to live.
10. My amazing extended family.
11. The stars.
12. Netflix.
12 Things I Want To Do Someday
1. Kiss someone at the top of a ferris wheel.
2. Organize a flash mob.
3. Become friends with or date someone who has an Irish accent.
4. Teach a child how to read.
5. Sing a song I've written to someone I wrote it about.
6. Adopt a dog.
7. Do a cartwheel on a beach next to the ocean in the middle of the night.
8. Write a novel.
9. Get married to a guy who treats me well, is my best friend, and makes me laugh.
10. Have three kids.
11. Run a marathon.
12. Volunteer at a homeless shelter, animal shelter, and orphanage.
1. I have grown two inches in the past two years.
2. I laugh to myself a lot.
3. I usually leave some sort of sparkle residue wherever I go.
4. I have a drawer full of nail polish.
5. I write songs.
6. I have the weirdest phobias that make me cry.
7. I hate doing laundry.
8. I like to dance.
9. I usually am singing.
10. I don't like to work out.
11. I love Taylor Swift.
12. I like candles.
12 Things I Am Thankful For
1. God.
2. Mom and Dad.
3. Lovely siblings.
4. Nieces and nephews.
5. The best friends anyone could ever ask for.
6. Candy.
7. The opportunity to further my education.
8. My job.
9. Having a great place to live.
10. My amazing extended family.
11. The stars.
12. Netflix.
12 Things I Want To Do Someday
1. Kiss someone at the top of a ferris wheel.
2. Organize a flash mob.
3. Become friends with or date someone who has an Irish accent.
4. Teach a child how to read.
5. Sing a song I've written to someone I wrote it about.
6. Adopt a dog.
7. Do a cartwheel on a beach next to the ocean in the middle of the night.
8. Write a novel.
9. Get married to a guy who treats me well, is my best friend, and makes me laugh.
10. Have three kids.
11. Run a marathon.
12. Volunteer at a homeless shelter, animal shelter, and orphanage.
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Gripes!
I am not organized, and for the most part I choose to wing it in almost every area of my life. However, lately there have been way too many uncertainties in my life, leaving me feeling confused, a little lost, and sick to my stomach.
I have no idea where my education/career is going. I met with my adviser and found out that it is possible for me to graduate a semester early, which is great! But now I'm not sure I'm going to be able to get into the classes that I need to, let alone have enough classes to take to be a full time student this semester. Sick feeling begins.
On that note, since I have no idea what my schedule will be next semester, I have no idea what my job situation is going to look like. Will I be able to keep the one I currently have or have to search for a completely different one last minute?
In addition, it feels like 99% of the people around me know where they're going, or at least which direction they're going, with their relationships. I, however, seem to be stuck in the quicksand of square one.
Also, I have no clue what I'll be doing or where I'll be this summer. Home with Mom and Dad? Back in Great Falls? Stay here in Bozeman? Or go someplace completely random and crazy just to get a little experience in me?
Even little things, like what finals will be like, will I be able to get through them and end the semester with a good GPA?
I realize I am venting/complaining when I have so much to be grateful for. I have great friends and a great family and great opportunities ahead of me and a great God working with me. I'm so thankful for all of that!
But I just never expected to feel so young and uncertain at this point in my life! It's pretty scary, but I know that is where the magic begins.
So, here's to all my college friends: One day we will look back on this time and it will all make sense. But until then let's just roll with the punches, pray through the hard times, and find the beauty in the madness!
I have no idea where my education/career is going. I met with my adviser and found out that it is possible for me to graduate a semester early, which is great! But now I'm not sure I'm going to be able to get into the classes that I need to, let alone have enough classes to take to be a full time student this semester. Sick feeling begins.
On that note, since I have no idea what my schedule will be next semester, I have no idea what my job situation is going to look like. Will I be able to keep the one I currently have or have to search for a completely different one last minute?
In addition, it feels like 99% of the people around me know where they're going, or at least which direction they're going, with their relationships. I, however, seem to be stuck in the quicksand of square one.
Also, I have no clue what I'll be doing or where I'll be this summer. Home with Mom and Dad? Back in Great Falls? Stay here in Bozeman? Or go someplace completely random and crazy just to get a little experience in me?
Even little things, like what finals will be like, will I be able to get through them and end the semester with a good GPA?
I realize I am venting/complaining when I have so much to be grateful for. I have great friends and a great family and great opportunities ahead of me and a great God working with me. I'm so thankful for all of that!
But I just never expected to feel so young and uncertain at this point in my life! It's pretty scary, but I know that is where the magic begins.
So, here's to all my college friends: One day we will look back on this time and it will all make sense. But until then let's just roll with the punches, pray through the hard times, and find the beauty in the madness!
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Getting Through
I read somewhere that your problems will never go away until it teaches you what you need to learn. Whoever said that has a point. It should be so simple. But it's not really. It's not like you can just say, "Okay, God, I get it now! You can make this go away now."
But it doesn't work that way, I think. For me, it's something that I really can't figure out. I do think that we are supposed to learn something from every experience that we have. But if a similar thing is repeatedly happening, I think that it might be a deeper issue that you can't just figure out when you want the problem to go away. I think sometimes it's such a big thing you need to realize that it takes God giving you a lot of similar experiences to learn from. Each time it happens, you learn a tiny bit of something new. Every new struggle builds off the past ones, and every new little tip you learn builds off of the old ones. Eventually, I believe that you have been through so much and learn enough little things that they can combine into one big realization.
And then you're ready for that struggle to turn into something good.
It makes me think of an obstacle course...like in the army. The ones where you have to start over if you fall down or mess up. You trip over the same thing enough times that each time you start over you learn a new way that doesn't work. And then finally you have figured out all the ways that DON'T work and you can finally get through it. And then it's on to the next obstacle.
I think life is a series of things like this. Everyone's struggling with something at some point, but we all learn how to get through it. Just because we're all fighting our own battles does not mean we can't enjoy life. I think that's the best way to help get through it all...to focus on our blessings and do what makes us happy and see the great things that surround us.
At least I know that's what helps get me through the rough patches.
So there's my deep rant for the day. :)
Hope everyone has a great week and has tons of happiness today!
The end <3 :)
But it doesn't work that way, I think. For me, it's something that I really can't figure out. I do think that we are supposed to learn something from every experience that we have. But if a similar thing is repeatedly happening, I think that it might be a deeper issue that you can't just figure out when you want the problem to go away. I think sometimes it's such a big thing you need to realize that it takes God giving you a lot of similar experiences to learn from. Each time it happens, you learn a tiny bit of something new. Every new struggle builds off the past ones, and every new little tip you learn builds off of the old ones. Eventually, I believe that you have been through so much and learn enough little things that they can combine into one big realization.
And then you're ready for that struggle to turn into something good.
It makes me think of an obstacle course...like in the army. The ones where you have to start over if you fall down or mess up. You trip over the same thing enough times that each time you start over you learn a new way that doesn't work. And then finally you have figured out all the ways that DON'T work and you can finally get through it. And then it's on to the next obstacle.
I think life is a series of things like this. Everyone's struggling with something at some point, but we all learn how to get through it. Just because we're all fighting our own battles does not mean we can't enjoy life. I think that's the best way to help get through it all...to focus on our blessings and do what makes us happy and see the great things that surround us.
At least I know that's what helps get me through the rough patches.
So there's my deep rant for the day. :)
Hope everyone has a great week and has tons of happiness today!
The end <3 :)
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Caramel Tea and Pink Nails
How can I ever be worried with so many back up plans?!
Plan A: Graduate college with an Elementary Education degree so I can become a teacher somewhere in this state.
Plan B: Go to beauty school and become a beautician.
Plan C: Write a New York Times Best Selling Novel.
Plan D: Post videos of me singing and guitaring to my songs on youtube and get discovered by Justin Bieber.
Plan E: Start a cupcake business called HappyCakes.
Plan F: Gain 278 pounds, go on the biggest loser, lose it all, and then become a motivational speaker/personal trainer for future biggest loser contestants.
Plan G: Buy Rosetta Stone for French, learn it, go to France, and make a name for myself there as a ballerina.
Plan H: Befriend Katie Couric's daughter. Then once Katie gets to know me she will see how charismatic and lovely I am and then refer me to Good Morning America, where I will become a regular news anchor.
Plan I: Change my major to engineering. Get a beautiful engineering major with ambition to fall in love with me. Once he has proposed, I will drop out of school. I will be a stay at home crafting, baking, dancing, mom while he makes $500,000 a year.
Plan J: Build the world's largest water slide. Paint it pink and sparkly.
Plan K: Genetically engineer a breed of horses to become unicorns. Open a unicorn amusement park where unicorns roam free and give people rides to any place that is happy.
Plan L: Teach a dolphin to talk. Bring him to SeaWorld.
Plan M: Discover a new species.
Plan N: Find Atlantis.
Plan O: Try out for American Idol.
Plan P: Get a job being Sleeping Beauty for Disneyland.
Plan Q: Learn to quilt from Brooke. Quilt the world's largest quilt. Then hold the world's largest cuddle party with hot chocolate, marshmallows, Christmas movies, and the big quilt.
Plan R: Solve the Da Vinci code.
Plan S: Be the girl to finally tie down John Mayer.
Plan T: Finally get my dad to write his autobiography and be his editor and publisher...that way when it sells a zillion copies I will get some of the cut and be able to live comfortably until I need to move on to the next plan.
Plan U: Create an app that you can google a personal thing...such as "Where did I leave that checkbook?" or "How hard do I really need to study for this test?".
Plan V: Get hired on as a celebrity's entertainer. Live with them, and whenever they are bored I have to make them unbored by taking them shopping, dancing, cooking, or just telling them stories I made up.
Plan W: Get MTV to come videotape my life and make it into a reality show. It will be called "Sparky in the Valley."
Plan X: Move back in with Brooke and Jeremy. Learn German. Become the neighborhood housekeeper named Valencia.
Plan Y: Locate 8 large refrigerator boxes. Move to Miami. Create a home with the boxes. Collect 7 cats, 2 pigeons, and a squirrel. Live there in peace forever.
Plan Z: Back to plan A I guess?
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