Happiness is Relative

A few of my favorite things.... :)

Notebook and sharpies...I heart writing...and pretty colors :)

This little light of mine!!! Yes I'm 18 and still sleep with a night light (sometimes) :)

I have TWO beautiful hula hoops! I love hula-ing

Graduation ring Momma just got me...love this very very much

Peace signs!!!

I have tons of makeup...and I love love love it :P

Victoria's secret sexy little things perfume...delightful!

AAAH NAIL POLISH! <3

My prom shoes. Sparkles <3 :)

My daddy's guitar. Beautiful sound and lovely to play :)

Momma's piano. I'm not the best pianist but that doesn't mean I can't plunk around! :)

Our candy drawer....enough said... :)

My iPod!!! And all the music on it :)

I made this sign a while ago with Brooke. Although I love the sign, it's the principle of the sign that I really love :)

Purple shiny zebra purse from Brianna :) so fabulous!

Anyways, hope everyone enjoyed a little look into my life :P

Happy Sunday!

<3

I'm Mostly Secondary

"Have no fear for givin' in. Have no fear for givin' over. You better know that in the end it's better to say to much than never to say what you need to say again."
Although I am a big fan of his music and lyrics, I don't think John Mayer got it right with this one. First of all, how do you distinguish between something that COULD be said and something that NEEDS to be said? And then even when you figure that out, problems still oppose. Saying what you need to say sometimes can save a whole situation you are in, but I think most people are intelligent in the fact that if they are not saying something that they need to say it is (for the most part) for a good reason.
Take me, for example. There are a few important thoughts that have been crowding my head...one for the past four months, one for the past three, and one for the past two. But I can tell you right now that if I made those thoughts known it wouldn't change anything for the good at all.
Thought number one: This thought is about taking something that's decent in my life and making it a million times better. But saying this would risk losing the decent and then being left with nothing. My life is uneventful enough as it is...I don't need to lose one more (remotely) exciting aspect of my life. Vocalizing this thought also means tearing some walls down and being vulnerable and most likely getting hurt and probably causing a little drama. Which neither are ever a good time. So no, John Mayer, I will not say what I need to say.
Thought number two: This thought would not do any good. It's something that I would like to happen but is impossible. No changes will come out by saying this, except for the fact that school would be awkward and I would definately be teased and bothered. No great big amazing movie climax moment with an inspiring song playing in the background will result by stating this...so once again, no, John Mayer, I will not say what I need to say.
Thought number three: This thought is taking a good aspect of my life and changing it...but I still haven't figured out if it would be for the better or the worse. So stating this could be catastrophic for two reasons...if it changed for the worse then I would always be thinking, "Stupid John Mayer, why did I have to say that and screw everything up?", and also saying this could ruin the good aspect and I could be rejected and hurt...which as I have said before is not a unicorn ride under a sparkly rainbow. So for the third time, no, John Mayer, I will not say what I need to say.
I just don't think it's necessary. What if what you need to say will hurt someone? What if it ruins opportunities? What if saying it brings on new thoughts that "need" to be said, and then you say that and it makes things even worse?
If it doesn't change anything for the good, what's the point?

P.S. I am now the owner of a water filled purple sparkly hula hoop. :)

I'm a Fool!

So it's happened...
I've actually uncovered the perfect boy :)
This crazy month I have been to Salt Lake City, Great Falls, Missoula, Billings, Helena, and Calgary, and wouldn't ya know out of all those places I found one good one!
First off let me just say that he is extremely good looking. I don't know how I lucked out with getting someone who is so gorgeous!
He enjoys my eccentric and childish sense of humor, and he says his favorite thing about me is my quirky personality...who knew someone would actually be attracted to what leaves most people slowly backing away from me.
He plays guitar and he is an excellent singer. And he loves the same music as me...what many people describe as "preppy punk"...but not him. I don't have to tolerate ridiculous rap, boring blue grass, or jokey jazz. :)
Also, I never feel like I am bothering him. Which is rare! And I find myself smiling like a fool whenever he even crosses my mind. It's embarrassing.
He is completely selfless! I have to argue in order to make sure he gets what he wants. He insists on paying for everything, he won't say anything about himself until he has asked me at least a billion questions about my day.
He really makes me smile.
Well now that I've gone on and on about this boy let me tell you just one more thing about him...
He doesn't exist....
That's right, I just April Fooled you!
Did you really think that there was a boy like that? I'm pretty sure they aren't made like that anymore.
Don't get me wrong...this is not a list of  "requirements" that I have for a boyfriend...just an example. Trust me, I'm not so stupid to expect that much from someone of the male species ;)
So, oh well, right? :) Someday someone will come and take me by surprise...
and until then, I'll enjoy my evenings alone watching chick flicks, reading silly novels, and eating too much candy.
Happy April Fool's day :)

The Bridge Turned to Ash

So I know I've advertised this as a happy uplifting entertaining blog...but tonight is a post for deep thoughts.
My whole life I've been afraid to let go of things, people, and relationships. I hate saying goodbye, I hate being angry, I hate making decisions, and I hate it when people are mad at me. These reasons are why it has taken me so many long and testing trials to let go of the thing I needed out of my life most.
It's scary. When someone has been your best friend for your whole adoloescent life, when someone knows you better than anyone in the world, and when you have shared some of your deepest secrets and thoughts, greatest memories, and happiest moments with that someone, it's scary to let them go.
I know I'm kind of like the boy (or girl) who cried wolf (or "I'm finally letting go"), but this time it's real. Althouh I may have let go and walked away in the past, I have always left a bridge to be crossed in case minds were changed. But this time I set fire to the bridge. My eyes welled up, as I watched it burn, but then I felt a new strength in myself as I watched the flames turn to embers, the embers to ash, and the bridge collapse.
There's no way to get back to that place anymore. Even if I want to, I can't. The bridge has crumbled. There's nothing there. Now it's just me. With a toxic river with no crossing behind me. And sunshine, green grass, and a hope for new, better happiness and greater memories in my path.
So here I am. Just me. No bridges, no tears.
Just me :)

Observation of the Day

Artificial grape flavoring does not taste like real grapes.

Blow Out the Candles

In case none of you knew, it is in fact my birthday today :)
As I look back on even just the past few birthdays I've had, it's really not hard to see how I have changed over the years. I can see it in myself...I am growing up. And I really think I'm starting to find out who I am, and like who I am. Which is a big thing since I haven't graduated yet, I think.
So 18 is kind of a scary number. I've always downplayed my age because most of the people in my family are at least 6 years older than me...so I've never really felt it was a huge deal to turn a year older.
But 18...I'm allowing myself to feel like this really is a big number. Of course, I can vote now, can be arrested, and am "legal", but it's more than that to me. It's saying goodbye to the world I've known so well for 18 years now, depending less on my parents, relying more on myself. It's growing up. And that's kind of scary. But so exciting!
Just yesterday my brother and his wife had a baby girl! What an amazing birthday gift for me! I'm so happy for Roman and Jen, and I'm so excited about my beautiful new niece who I love so so much!
Also, on Friday...I found out that my sister's baby who is due in July is a girl! Haylie Marie James, I love you already and can't wait to spend so much time with you!
So anyways, thank you to all of the gorgeous people in my life for the birthday wishes and thoughts.
Here's to new life, and new beginnings! :)
Muah!

Once Upon a Time I Was a Piece of Tin Foil

In 1.5 hours I will be off to a faraway land named Salt Lake City!
I am excited about this because:

1. I am going with some of the most fun people ever!

2. We will have a wee bit of free time to swim and such :)

3. We are going to the GATEWAY MALL! Yeah yeah!

4. I am sick of below zero weather.

5. Sunburst is a slug these days.

So...yes, this will be a sparkle of a time.

I have a black flower in my hair today....which is kind of an oxymoronish...black....flower....?

     Anyways, Pokey Scratch has not left the building yet...and he has brought along a friend who is a miniature horse named Congested Run, who is practicing his leaps and racing in my nasal/sinus cavities.

    

An interesting thing happened to me last night. And I am proud of myself with the way I handled it. Life tests you sometimes, and I think it's important to stand your ground even when you don't really want to.

One more thing. I have had a St. Patrick's day rap that I made up with my friends in sixth grade stuck in my head all morning.

Yo yo yo, we're the fab four

And we've come a knockin on your door

To tell you today it's St. Patrick's Day

Hey, hey, hey, hey

We're painting the town green, like a saint

Doing good deeds for everyone till they faint

We're sitting on the blarney stone eating colcannon

Yum colcannon, yum, yum, colcannon

"Something something something I don't remember what comes next which has been bothering me"

Who let the leprechaun out?

Who, who, who, who?

One, two, three, four CLOVERS

We're lucky...and we're gonna get a little bit funky

Boom, boom boom. Boom boom boom boom BOOM

At the end of the rainbow, there's always gold, and now we're putting you on hold.

Now we're back, do ya like it like that?

Cuz we're rappin like St. Pat.

Here is a cookie

A treat for you

And now we know you'll say thank you.

The end.

Have a sparkleicious week :)

<3